Mommy Guilt

J bought me a gift package to a local day spa for Mother’s Day 2007. There are 8 services included in the package and I’m supposed to use two each visit. I guess it’s to spread the spa magic over several visits. Well, I went this summer for a pedicure and an eyebrow waxing. Then I put off going for 6 months. I managed to make an appointment for yesterday but in the back of my mind I had all of this guilt… Why is it so hard to spend time/energy/money on myself? The whole time I was there I kept thinking that I should be home taking care of the kids while J is sick. Although I made the appointment during the kids’ nap and J was off the babysitting hook anyway, I still felt that mommy-guilt gnawing away at me.

I should have been sprawled out in the “Relaxation Room” drinking my pineapple-infused water and munching on my almond trail mix in utter peace. With the tranquil music intermingled with the sounds of the ocean, I could have taken a nap. But no, I was thinking of all the things I should have been doing instead. Like laundry and wrapping presents and cooking. I was staring at the lovely palm tree fresco on the ceiling thinking about whether the kids were up early and bothering J. Grrr. That really annoys me. I should have been in the moment with my manicure and facial.

Maybe I need to draft a New Year’s Resolution to make a concerted effort to focus on myself. This sounds so trite coming from a mom, I know. But it’s something that plagues all mommies, doesn’t it? This feeling that everyone needs to come first. I feel guilty when I buy myself new underwear for heaven’s sake! I actually debate whether I need them or not when my “good” pair is stretched out, faded and utterly pathetic-looking. You don’t even want to know about my “bad” pair.

Before my facial, my technician (is that what you call them? Or are they facialists?) asked me to tell her about my skin care routine. I launched into my list starting with my cleanser, toner, etc. I was proud that I actually had a skin care routine to recite that didn’t stop at a bar of Dial. She actually cut me off before I mentioned that I use a mask once a week. Using a mask once a week is huge for me. HUGE, people. It’s something for me that I actually make time for. But she cut me off! She basically said, “I’ve heard enough. What you’re doing is all wrong. Let me show you the light.” My words, not hers. But the message came through loud and clear. I’m not even in the ball park of proper skin care with my OTC products. Now, I’m sure she was just trying to sell me a bunch of over-priced stuff for sales commission. But, I’ll tell you this, whatever she used on me was heavenly. It smelled wonderful and was made of 100% natural products like plant extracts and oils. My face never looked so good.

Upon leaving my technician gave me a rundown on what I need to begin my proper skin care routine. The starter kit was $130. **gulp** The only thing I could think of was how many diapers that would buy for Cutie Pie. I couldn’t do it. I could not purchase those things. Maybe I’ll start taking baby steps in January. You know, buy new underwear first then work my way up to more extravagant purchases. **sigh** I need some willpower.

Kind of off-topic: I picked up a Space Coast Living magazine while I was waiting for my manicurist. It had a spotlight article on this year’s debutantes. This concept is so foreign to me! I didn’t think our little corner of the world had “society” into which young ladies made their debut. But I guess we do. I thought coming out balls were an antiquated concept. Guess not! The 28 girls in the article had to be selected from a pool of candidates based on their leadership, academics, etc. to become debutantes. Then what? They dress up in white and attend some party? What is this for? Why do we need this?


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Aileen
    Dec 24, 2007 @ 14:30:45

    I’m the same way as you. I agonize on purchasing anything for myself, for my own personal use. But when it’s the kids or husband or anyone else, there’s no guilt at all. It shouldn’t be that way. We should take great care of ourselves too so that we’ll be happier too. Our priorities should be something like… kids and spouse first, ourselves second, family third, house fourth or something like that. If you do decide to make that your New Year’s Resolution… I’ll join you!!

    Secondly… my skin care routine is to wash my face with a cleanser, use a serum, then a moisterizing cream, then this thing around my lips and eyes to prevent lines. What SHOULD I be doing?

    I had a huge sweet 16 celebration… wore a ball gown and everything… but I don’t think that’s the same thing as a debutante ball. In Puerto Rico they do them at 15 and call them a Quinceniera but it’s the same idea… basically a coming of age thing for spanish girls… the debutante thing to “show off” the young women of society seems… odd… in this day and age…


  2. adventuresoffour
    Dec 24, 2007 @ 17:21:21

    Aileen- I think it will be my New Year’s Resolution to have less guilt when it comes to doing things for myself. Join me, won’t you?

    As far as skin care goes, I’m still lost. The technician recommended a kit for oily skin by Sonya Dakar. It’s supposed to be amazing. Sonya has a website. Google it and be blown away by the prices…

    I think Quinceniera is totally different. It’s like a cultural rite of passage for girls. Debutantes are like high society princesses. It seems so strange to me that people are actually caught up in this. It’s like a pack of elitists showing off their daughters. Ugh! Yuck!


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