Bleeding Ulcer Muffins

Wildman is sick with a stomach bug today. He’s assumed the position on the couch.

So, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands today. I thought I’d try the Cookie of the Month recipe in Living magazine. Since the felt fortune cookies were such a big hit and pretty easy to make I thought I’d give an actual recipe a go. Ha! What a disaster that was!

See how cute they look with the little heart of jam in the middle?!
I admit that the disastrous outcome is partially my fault. The recipe calls for non-self-rising flour. I visited no less than three grocery stores in search of non-self-rising flour. All I could find was all purpose flour so that’s what I used. Big mistake. It rises too.

This is what they looked like going into the oven. They kind of look like the photo in the magazine right?!

This is what they looked like coming out of the oven.

Bleeding ulcers!!!!! And they’re not so cookie-like. They’re more like really dense muffins. If they tasted good I would have made the rest. But they’re less than palatable. I tossed the rest of the batter. I let the baked ulcer muffins cool and then packaged them up for J to sample when he gets home!

This is precisely why I do not use Martha’s recipes.

Here’s Wildman right before he puked orangish-pink all over the floor. He wanted to taste the jam that I used on the “cookies”. Poor guy!

Just so you know, I’ve sanitized everything! The floor, the counter, the spoon, the fridge, the cabinets! EVERYTHING!



This is my husband, J. Handsome, no?

J is a kiteboarder.

A who? A what? A kiteboarder. One who kiteboards. Clear as mud? I thought so.
Kiteboarding is an extreme sport in which one uses a huge kite to pull oneself across the top of the water on a board. By huge kite I mean J has a kite that is 10 meters across and one that is 15 meters across. Kiteboarding is not to be confused with parasailing or windsurfing.

Here’s J kiteboarding.

I’m pretty confident that I would kill myself doing this. J loves it though! The adrenaline rush is probably pretty amazing. An unexpected benefit of J taking up this sport as a hobby is that at any given moment he can provide you with a wind report and forecast. This isn’t information I need on a regular basis but it’s kind of comforting to know that if I need it, J’s there. “Wind’s out of the southwest at 15 with gusts to 20. Should die off around 2 PM or so.” Awesome.

Here’s J tearing it up.

I’m sure there’s a name for this move but I don’t know what it is. Let’s call it the Backwards Double Hombre. I’m impressed no matter what it’s called. No wonder he’s sore all the time!

Here he is doing tricks again.

Let’s call this the Super Duper Alley-ooper.

Pretty cool isn’t it?