I feel like I can’t quite catch up lately.  Do you know the feeling?  I’ve got a list of things that I need to do, would love to do, want to do, etc.  It seems like there’s only enough time for the need-to-dos though.  All of the fun things will have to wait.

Yesterday was one of those days where the alarm clock did not go off but I woke up with just enough time to get Wildman to school before the tardy bell rang.  It set a bad tone for the day because I felt like I was always one step behind.

To further the off-ness that I was feeling, the boys happened to have their t-ball game yesterday evening at the same time as T-bone’s machine-pitch baseball game.  The fields are side-by-side but might as well have been worlds apart by the way that Steph kept her distance.  It was rough.  The only people from my “family” who came over to watch Wildman and Cutie Pie play were my ex-uncle and Big Red.  My aunt and cousin wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence.  And Steph’s manfriend glanced over at our field from afar.  I was thankful to have J’s parents there on our side supporting the boys.

Our game ended about an hour before T-bone’s so J and I and the boys walked over to watch T-bone play.  It was awkward, to say the least, with Steph on one side of the field and me on the other.  We ended up biking home after half an hour.  But at least T-bone got to see us cheer him on for a bit.  He was so happy to see us.  Just the sight of him grinning at me and racing over to give me a high-five made all the coldness from his mother worth it.

It’s funny how when things start to get you down you can be reminded that you really aren’t so bad after all.  A little while after we got home from the ball field there was a knock at the door.  There standing on our front porch was Big Red with a bottle of wine and a thank you note from his mother for helping with T-bone’s party.  I was blown away.

Life is funny, isn’t it?  An endless series of ups and downs, wrongs and rights, highs and lows…  Standing back and watching Steph’s choices from the sidelines is difficult at best but it’s what I have to do.  I want what is best for her and hope that she is successful and happy in life.  I just cannot be a player in that life anymore.

In happier news, I made my first ever batch of cake balls last night!  Pictures are coming soon!  I’m hosting a wine tasting party for the preschool moms at our house tonight where they will make their dessert debut.  Can’t wait!